Climb That Bridge When You Come To It

One thing there's no shortage of in Pittsburgh is tourism-driven development ideas.  Our follow-through on said ideas has been, well, spotty at best -- but by God we sure have had a lot of concepts on the board through the years.

A lot of that comes from our chronic lack of self-esteem.  We can't imagine that there's anything worth seeing or doing here, so we're constantly on the lookout for new ideas.  Here are just a few that have come and gone since I first began paying attention in the mid-80's.

• Mark di Suvero "windmill" sculpture:  I truly wish I could find a picture of this for you, because it was classic.  Now di Suvero is a well-respected artist, and many of his sculptures are beloved in cities across the globe -- but his concept for Pittsburgh's "signature piece" (that's what we were looking for at the time -- something akin to St. Louis' Golden Arches...) looked like a giant three-legged stool with a windmill on top.  Crap with a capital "C." 
  
  This baby was going to sit on one of the small patches of grass between Gateway Center and the building where Palomino is. 
• A few years after we abandoned that particular project, someone proposed an aerial tram that would run from Mt. Washington to either the Point or the North Side.  (For you outsiders, a little geography lesson.  Downtown Pittsburgh is essentially triangle-shaped, with rivers on two of the three sides.  Mt. Washington sits on the opposite side of one of those rivers, and provides a nice scenic view of the city, as seen here:)


(Click to enlarge and sharpen this pic
a wee little bit)

• Shortly before becoming a dinosaur himself, and taking the entire three-commissioner form of county government with him into history, Bob Cranmer proposed a dinosaur-themed park as a "first day attraction."  This was to live between the two stadiums on the North Side.  I'll forgo the obvious comparison between extinct species and fan interest in the Pirates.
• Other long-forgotten proposals include tethered hot-air balloon rides at Station Square, a giant yellow pyramid at the Point, and a recent gem from the Pittsburgh Riverlife Task Force -- floating, glowing globules on the river (and we're not talking about Allegheny Whitefish.)  Here's an almost inexplicable picture of that concept.  (And yes, that is a laser show overhead.  Whooo, laser show!  I hope they were thinking of putting it to Pink Floyd music, because lasers and Pink Floyd BLOW MY EFFIN' MIND, MAN!)
  
  
  Come to think of it -- lasers...floating globules...Pink Floyd...there IS an untapped market for an American answer to Amsterdam.  Legalize pot and do this globule/laser Floyd thing, and now you're talkin' in a language that the stoned mind will appreciate.
• I bring all of this up because the Riverlife Task Force is at it again, by soliciting designs for a pedestrian bridge to be built alongside the West End Bridge.
  
  Now a pedestrian bridge is, in fact, a swell idea.  Julie and I spent our honeymoon in Paris, and the pedestrian bridges there are well-used and beloved by one and all.
  
  But to my mind, there's one small problem with our proposed pedestrian bridge, and it should be patently obvious by looking at the words "pedestrian" and "bridge."  Oh, the taskforce has the "bridge" part down all right -- but for the love of Pete, somebody PLEASE tell me where the pedestrians are going to come from? 
  
  The West End Bridge is a lovely structure.  No doubt about that.  In fact, it's my favorite of Pittsburgh's many bridges.  Here's a nice shot of it with the Point in the background:
  
  
  But there's one small problem with a pedestrian bridge here, and that's a distinct lack of pedestrians.  On either side of the bridge, you have a maze of high-traffic roads, and not much else.  There's absolutely no reason to venture down there as a pedestrian.  You want a pedestrian bridge, put it where people actually go.  In fact, the Clemente Bridge becomes a pedestrians-only bridge on game days -- why not close THAT down permanently and make THAT our pedestrian bridge.

But there IS an idea out there that could make use of either the West End or Fort Pitt bridges, as well as serve as a potential tourist draw.  (I'm totally serious with this, by the way.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Sydney (Australia) Bridge Climb.  Now tell me, other than the typical "We Can't Do That Here" mentality of Pittsburgh, why couldn't this work here?  I sure as hell wouldn't do it, but I'll bet others would.  Hell, put this together with some kind of rock-climbing expeditions up the sheer face of Mt. Washington, and I think you've got something.

Comments

[Mrs. Subdivided]

We need some fresh minds in the mix to help our city image. A pedestrian bridge is a great idea if there are actually people around to do the walking. However, keep in mind that this is a city that wants to put a new hockey arena in an area of town where no one wants to hang out instead of down by the new stadiums which is actually turning in to a cool place.

[Homer]

But main street is still cracked and broken, sorry Mom, the mob has spoken...Monorail...Monorail... Mono D'Oh!

[Lyle Lanley]

Oh, I've sold monorails to Ogdenville, North Haverbrook, and Brockway....er...I mean Punxsutawney, South Park and Blawnox and look with its done for their towns.

[pointy stick]

How about we just get rid of all the old guys who are in charge and are the ones responsible for these lameassed ideas?

Or, we could just knock down all the cool stuff and put in more Eckerds, Dollar Generals, and check-cashing places. All of them will also sell Cricket phones.